Mental Health

Rocky

Well-Known Radge
Thread starter
Try pishing on the carpet, eating her slippers and shedding your hair on the settee.
Once she gets used to that you can sneak a puppy in no bother.

If you’re already doing that, and still not allowed try shagging her leg.

Can’t suggest anything else mate.
I've not tried the slippers one yet, maybe that will tip the balance
 

Purple & Green

Radge McRadge
Admin
I listen to a lot of audiobooks, I find they help - been very conscious of mental health in my 40s - I wish I had discovered this 20 years earlier.

chimp paradox by Steve Peters is a good start, and I’m listening to it takes what it takes now by Trevor Moawad. Getting things done is snorher

My wife jokes that I give up something every year and become a little more boring. I have found that ditching cigarettes, alcohol and caffeine has helped me enormously. I think diet is an overlooked cog in the big wheel and eating as little processed food as you can helps your mood. Knowledge is power and the more you understand the better you will feel in my personal experience.

Meds are certainly something worth considering; i think it’s about finding what does and does not work for you. My biggest med result was getting my thyroid meds sorted, prior to that I was never quite right.

one thing I do that you might find funny; I absolutely refuse to watch eastEnders and coronation street because of the depressing storylines. I’m fortunate to have a buddy who I chat through a lot of this with; we help each other; he’s ex forces. He says your brain has to process everything on some level, so I choose not to subject it to grating negativity. For the same reason I don’t watch national news anymore; especially sky it’s designed to suck you in for hours snd get you angry to come back for more. Go figure.

I’ve had a bit of a break over Christmas, and slipped back into old habits on Twitter. I use a timer normally so as not to get sucked in.

I try and call one friend a day. Talking shit seems to help too. WhatsApp and texts too. Often I find people are just hopeless at keeping in touch, but do want to keep in touch.
 

Purple & Green

Radge McRadge
Admin
Exercise / getting out in the fresh air really does seem to be one of the best things to do. I find it really hard to motivate myself to get out though, any tips for getting me off my lazy arse?? Think I'll target 6,000 steps a day for January and see how that goes.
Audiobooks and a nice route
 

Rocky

Well-Known Radge
Thread starter
I listen to a lot of audiobooks, I find they help - been very conscious of mental health in my 40s - I wish I had discovered this 20 years earlier.

chimp paradox by Steve Peters is a good start, and I’m listening to it takes what it takes now by Trevor Moawad. Getting things done is snorher

My wife jokes that I give up something every year and become a little more boring. I have found that ditching cigarettes, alcohol and caffeine has helped me enormously. I think diet is an overlooked cog in the big wheel and eating as little processed food as you can helps your mood. Knowledge is power and the more you understand the better you will feel in my personal experience.

Meds are certainly something worth considering; i think it’s about finding what does and does not work for you. My biggest med result was getting my thyroid meds sorted, prior to that I was never quite right.

one thing I do that you might find funny; I absolutely refuse to watch eastEnders and coronation street because of the depressing storylines. I’m fortunate to have a buddy who I chat through a lot of this with; we help each other; he’s ex forces. He says your brain has to process everything on some level, so I choose not to subject it to grating negativity. For the same reason I don’t watch national news anymore; especially sky it’s designed to suck you in for hours snd get you angry to come back for more. Go figure.

I’ve had a bit of a break over Christmas, and slipped back into old habits on Twitter. I use a timer normally so as not to get sucked in.

I try and call one friend a day. Talking shit seems to help too. WhatsApp and texts too. Often I find people are just hopeless at keeping in touch, but do want to keep in touch.
That's reminded me that I have the Chimp Paradox on my kindle and never really got into it. Which then reminded me that I also got Frazzled by Ruby Wax which is supposed to be really good but I've never finished that either. I really need to actually read the books I buy. I like your suggestion of audiobooks while walking, maybe that's the way to do it.
 

Purple & Green

Radge McRadge
Admin
That's reminded me that I have the Chimp Paradox on my kindle and never really got into it. Which then reminded me that I also got Frazzled by Ruby Wax which is supposed to be really good but I've never finished that either. I really need to actually read the books I buy. I like your suggestion of audiobooks while walking, maybe that's the way to do it.
I love reading; I just don’t get the chance with the constant noise in my house, so audiobooks was an alternative that works for me. Primarily in the car driving but also doing a half hour walk a day.

audible always have deals on, my current one is £3.99 a month a book
 

Davy

get off yer bum an sing radge
I have someone in my family who is struggling to cope and without some visits would be a potential resident for the royal ed. I know people think it is just easy to stay indoors but it is not easy if you have no one to speak to except voices in your head. Not everyone wants to spend hours on the phone or zoom with someone struggling with mental health.

yes maybe if the whole country has lockdown effectively this could have lasted only a few weeks but it hasn't....its been almost a year and to expect to keep doing this is causing real difficulties


I spent most days in the home I work in just trying to keep a residents spirits up as she struggles with every setback and has never been to a cafe for a year
 

Power

Legendary Radge
Excellent thread and loving the honesty here - some fabulous call outs regarding different approaches to try boost positive wellbeing and good mental health - and other bits of perspective (knowledge is power).

When you’re having a shit day/period it can absorb you so much that you might not see a way out, a conclusion or a positive ending (there always is but in the belly of the moment it just seems miles away). This thread is a short example that most will experience these in their lifetime (some mair than others in frequency and strength) and you’re definitely not alone. Different techniques and approaches work for different people - talking with friends in confidence, fresh air walk/exercise, sleeping it off and mindfulness exercises (yoga etc) come with great reputation for a reason.

I’ve had a lot of lived experiences myself and view having a near rock bottom experience as a blessing - it’s provided self-learning, perspective, acted as a reference guide at other tough moments, installed resilience and provided a good sustained period of confidence (I can beat that, achieve this and do whatever I want to aspire too). Always take the positives out of every situation.

list of things that have helped me;
- Talking to others
- Volunteering (helping others less fortunate than you gives you massive strength and purpose)
- Exercise (running and cycling kept my weight down and those hobbies have generated confidence and opened doors)
- Exploring nature (can quite easily link to exercise, fresh air and mindfulness)
- Eating and drinking better (healthier diet and reducing alcohol helps - finding the balance that works for you)
- Keeping busy (pushing limits, taking on new work and keeping the brain active). Completing a task and celebrating small wins falls into this bracket.

I’ve got a number of resources to hand (Will share as I go) and also happy to share experiences (both people benefit in that experience - dinny underestimate the power of helping others).

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Who felt better after posting on this thread? Definitely worthwhile.

Keep on.
 
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NW

Just A Radge
There are many days I struggle, often question what’s the point and need to drag myself up mentally.
I am very fortunate, I have a gorgeous and amazing family that keep my going, but I really struggle to let go of mistakes I’ve made in the past and how they affect life now. I need to stop beating myself up and move on and learn. Far easier said than done.

music is my escape, I love putting my music on and letting it raise my spirits, often in the kitchen whilst cooking and having a beer.
I’ve cut my drinking down massively in the past few years, most I’ll have is about 5 beers a week, spread over couple of evenings. The drink was definitely a major cause of downers.

other days I can be flying and buzzing and I wish I could get out of the doldrums easier when they fall over me.

talking to those closest helps and I try and do that as much as I can. Hard as it is.

I miss my football socialising and the banter , it’s a massive part of who we are.

talk to each other and gets our heads up.
 

aggie

Justified Radge
I'll be honest and say I'm at my lowest ebb for many a year right now. The reasons are myriad.

I am a single dad, and live at home with my now nearly 13-yr-old daughter. Her mum left nearly 11 years ago now, and we never saw her again. Now my lass has hit puberty - it's not just the female things like managing/talking about periods that I feel deficient about, she's also like a different person overnight. I know that's normal, but it's a weird sensation when you've had such a close bond for many years, to suddenly feel like she doesn't even like you half the time, and to mourn for the blithe kid who clung to your side for years.

In the last 2 or 3 months, she has also developed severe tics - think Tourette's style spasms, clicks, whistles, etc - which the Sick Kids reckoned would probably be an adolescent thing, and clear up in a a year max. However, it's hard for a girl of her age to have such an obvious thing going on. Anyway, we are at the neurologist next week for a more thorough examination.

Then there's the lodger we took in for financial reasons in January. Turkish guy who I knew as a colleague previously. Well, I had to ask him to leave a week before Xmas, due to his erratic and intolerable behaviour. Believe me, you soul search before kicking someone out at Xmas in a pandemic, but I have my daughter to think about.

I have a high-pressure job (and believe me, I'm glad of the salary). But working from home is not for me, and it's starting to feel like torture. I feel like one of those polar bears, pacing back and forth in a concrete enclosure in the zoo. My house feels like a minimum security prison. I'm going low-level crazy from that alone. And of course my daughter is now stuck in the house 24/7 too, with the internet for company.

One bright spot was my partner, who came home from teaching in France on the 11th. By the 18th, she had gone home to her mum's after her own crisis about the guy she left for me long previously. She told me last night that they are giving it another try.

The cumulative effect of this is that I am not sleeping - I'm seeing 5am on a regular basis - and that in itself has a cumulative effect on mood and cognitive capacity.

Overall, this has led me today to speaking to my work, and letting them know that I'm wobbling under the strain of it all, and that's why my productivity has slipped. They have been great about it, and that's my first point here: if this kind of thing sounds familiar, then you need to tell your employer. If they're anything like mine, believe me it'll be a load off in itself just to hear folk say "listen, take your time, don't worry". in fact, you need to tell everyone around you who you might be worrying about concealing it - do not conceal it. A problem shared, etc.

My second point is obliquely related, and much to do with the times we're living in. And that is, not to listen to the people who bang on lately about "it was worse in WWII" or "we're only being asked to stay in and watch Netflix, ffs". I find these blithe statements utterly repellent. When stuff like the all of the above happens in life, the normal recourse for so many of us is to retreat into the bosom of our tribe, so to speak - family, friends. People in the blitz could huddle together of an evening, which is the most basic human comfort there is - contact and fellowship. That we are being asked to deliberately suppress this impulse and avoid doing it is abnormal, and will magnify anything negative you are feeling, and you should not feel bad about hating this. Even a few beers of an evening with pals is how we, in a world where the basics of survival are not a pressing issue, prevent our idle minds turning inwards on us, and maintain some kind of psychological equilibrium. Because children are starving in Africa does not diminish the anguish of a mind that will not cease to cannibalise itself - the mind can be an absolute tyrant, and a sadist.

This time of year is brutal at the best of times, so even if, like me, you are normally someone who is quite robust mood and head-wise, you musn't feel bad if you feel you are fraying at the edges. I truly believe that everyone is now, in varying degrees, whether they know it or not.

A great - and timely - thread, @Rocky . Keep on keeping on, folks.

P.S. Jack Ross and Hibs - YOU'RE NOT FCUKING HELPING, GUYS. ;-)
 

Robert Barone

Well-Known Radge
I'll be honest and say I'm at my lowest ebb for many a year right now. The reasons are myriad.

I am a single dad, and live at home with my now nearly 13-yr-old daughter. Her mum left nearly 11 years ago now, and we never saw her again. Now my lass has hit puberty - it's not just the female things like managing/talking about periods that I feel deficient about, she's also like a different person overnight. I know that's normal, but it's a weird sensation when you've had such a close bond for many years, to suddenly feel like she doesn't even like you half the time, and to mourn for the blithe kid who clung to your side for years.

In the last 2 or 3 months, she has also developed severe tics - think Tourette's style spasms, clicks, whistles, etc - which the Sick Kids reckoned would probably be an adolescent thing, and clear up in a a year max. However, it's hard for a girl of her age to have such an obvious thing going on. Anyway, we are at the neurologist next week for a more thorough examination.

Then there's the lodger we took in for financial reasons in January. Turkish guy who I knew as a colleague previously. Well, I had to ask him to leave a week before Xmas, due to his erratic and intolerable behaviour. Believe me, you soul search before kicking someone out at Xmas in a pandemic, but I have my daughter to think about.

I have a high-pressure job (and believe me, I'm glad of the salary). But working from home is not for me, and it's starting to feel like torture. I feel like one of those polar bears, pacing back and forth in a concrete enclosure in the zoo. My house feels like a minimum security prison. I'm going low-level crazy from that alone. And of course my daughter is now stuck in the house 24/7 too, with the internet for company.

One bright spot was my partner, who came home from teaching in France on the 11th. By the 18th, she had gone home to her mum's after her own crisis about the guy she left for me long previously. She told me last night that they are giving it another try.

The cumulative effect of this is that I am not sleeping - I'm seeing 5am on a regular basis - and that in itself has a cumulative effect on mood and cognitive capacity.

Overall, this has led me today to speaking to my work, and letting them know that I'm wobbling under the strain of it all, and that's why my productivity has slipped. They have been great about it, and that's my first point here: if this kind of thing sounds familiar, then you need to tell your employer. If they're anything like mine, believe me it'll be a load off in itself just to hear folk say "listen, take your time, don't worry". in fact, you need to tell everyone around you who you might be worrying about concealing it - do not conceal it. A problem shared, etc.

My second point is obliquely related, and much to do with the times we're living in. And that is, not to listen to the people who bang on lately about "it was worse in WWII" or "we're only being asked to stay in and watch Netflix, ffs". I find these blithe statements utterly repellent. When stuff like the all of the above happens in life, the normal recourse for so many of us is to retreat into the bosom of our tribe, so to speak - family, friends. People in the blitz could huddle together of an evening, which is the most basic human comfort there is - contact and fellowship. That we are being asked to deliberately suppress this impulse and avoid doing it is abnormal, and will magnify anything negative you are feeling, and you should not feel bad about hating this. Even a few beers of an evening with pals is how we, in a world where the basics of survival are not a pressing issue, prevent our idle minds turning inwards on us, and maintain some kind of psychological equilibrium. Because children are starving in Africa does not diminish the anguish of a mind that will not cease to cannibalise itself - the mind can be an absolute tyrant, and a sadist.

This time of year is brutal at the best of times, so even if, like me, you are normally someone who is quite robust mood and head-wise, you musn't feel bad if you feel you are fraying at the edges. I truly believe that everyone is now, in varying degrees, whether they know it or not.

A great - and timely - thread, @Rocky . Keep on keeping on, folks.

P.S. Jack Ross and Hibs - YOU'RE NOT FCUKING HELPING, GUYS. ;-)
Always enjoyed reading your thoughts on here Aggie, sorry to hear your having a hard time of it.. I know it seems a simplistic solution and some folk dont want to rely on medication but have you tried to get a phone appointment with your GP? I take anti-depressants that also assist me in sleeping and I found they were a God send when I first started taking them as they dialled down the constant internal monologue, stabalised my mood quite a bit and free'd up my mind to actually be able to think more clearly rather than the constant clouded fog when you are really suffering.

Feel free to PM if you ever want to chat about it and all the best..you've taken a huge step in telling your employer..that can't have been easy.
 

tayside hibee

Well-Known Radge
Brave post @aggie , you certainly have had the shitty end of the stick of late. Sounds like your daughter also , and she will need you strong , which of course adds to your workload. Absolutely seek professional help and get some form of human contact with friends. There ain't no magic wand , but I think you have made a big step opening up. Loads of folk on here (including me) will help in away we can.
You certainly haven't lost any of your eloquence. Good luck mate , chin up.
 

Rocky

Well-Known Radge
Thread starter
I must say I've found the posts on here to be genuinely inspiring, I know it takes courage to open up on these things and I'm grateful to folk for sharing their feelings and experience. One thing I find a little difficult with a thread such as this is that it feels a bit "wrong" to not reply when people have opened up, almost like it can seem that posts are being ignored. That's definitely not the case with me and I'm totally sure the same is true for others, I'm reading them all and finding them very thought provoking and inspirational. I think it's natural though that a number of posts won't receive replies, let's face it we're not all qualified to offer support and we're often not going to know the right things to say. A number of people have already offered but I'd also add that if anyone does feel like a more "2-way" chat please feel free to PM.

I'd also add my thanks to all those who recommended exercise / getting out for a walk for the fact I nearly went arse over tit on the ice this lunchtime...
 

Sir Shrink

Retired Radge
This is a nice thread and I think shows that the stigma once attached to mental health issues is fast disappearing. Being able to speak openly about it is in itself if not a cure then it certainly helps.
Admitting to oneself that there is an issue is the first step even though it can be daunting.

When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
 
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